


They're Not Planning On Taking You Alive

by attaccabottoni



Series: Without You (I Tried Living) [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 13:52:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5336450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attaccabottoni/pseuds/attaccabottoni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Is this enough?' whispers the sergeant, whose voice was coming from deep under the snow of his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The mission-- Captain America-- Steve-- disappears beneath the Potomac.

His right hand clenches on nothing.

_Is this enough?_  whispers the sergeant, whose voice was coming from deep under the snow of his mind.  _Has Steve paid enough for letting me fall?_

He thinks of Steve reaching out for him through the fog.

Later, the sergeant comes out of the cold, and is in the process of dismantling the remains of HYDRA when they stop him with one word.

He drops to the floor, and the asset whispers,  _Not yet._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #attack of the second person pov  
> #sorry

Beyond the glass is your best friend in the hands of the best doctors Stark Industries' resources could find. You wonder why you are not beside Bucky while you watch him being treated for the effects of torture. Again.

Your right hand clenches, and in the end you decide not to move until you can figure out whether it's anger or anxiety that makes you want to smash through the glass.

Beside you, Sam shifts as a prelude to say something he thinks you don't want to hear.

You beat him to the punch instead.

"Why does Bucky have to pay for my mistakes?"

"Let's lay the blame where it belongs, Steve."

You place your palm on the glass and put your weight on it, because you can't bear leaning on Sam just this moment. You breathe out heavily.

"Whatever else this is right now, you gotta admit it can be confusing, so it might be best not to make judgments, or to make this entirely about what you're feeling."

You want to tell Sam that what you are feeling right now is, and has always been, surrounding the gut-clenching thought of _I can't reach Bucky._ It's terribly easy to believe it's your fault when you seem to be losing the only person who gave a damn about you at the time you had nothing to give.

You know it's not true now, _(do you?)_ and yet you still can't reach Bucky.

Unseeing, you sag forward and your knees buckle. As you slide down and your forehead rests on the wall beneath the glass, Sam braces you with an arm around your shoulders that feels like the an anchor to your slipping sanity.

"I need help."

You're not sure to whom you are directing that plea, only that your palm is still touching the glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was an epilogue attached to this (which could be added to Search Results for: recovery Tags: James "Bucky" Barnes, 890 Found), but I think is best written when less traumatized from the Civil War trailer.


End file.
